Tuesday, December 27, 2011
I think I was prejudiced against other people with disabilities because I found myself thinking if they weren't using a wheelchair then they weren't really disabled. At church I was having a conversation with a woman who walks yet parks in the handicapped parking spots. I asked her what her disability was and she told me that she had some kind of disease that whittles away at her bones and flesh, and it makes it hard for her to walk long distances even though she appears to be completely healthy.So over the past year I'd come to realize that more people in fact have some kind of disability even though it may sequestered. I never used to think of myself as prejudiced. I definitely don't want to continue being prejudiced against people with different disabilities. After 20 odd years though I still find myself saying, "I wonder if they're REALLY disabled?" But prejudice is prejudice whether it's about skin, sexual orientation, or disability status. Part of me thinks its my own passive aggressive retaliation, I still need to check myself about this and not pass blame on anyone else. I ran into this woman this year later and she flat out asked me, "Are you still prejudiced against people with different disabilities?" Then she reminded of our conversation from last year and it hit me like a ton of bricks, maybe I was prejudiced. How do I live on this planet and love everyone unconditionally, or is that even possible? Anyway, this conversation really freaked me out, does it sound like to you that I was prejudiced because I asked what was her disability? I thought it was curiosity but maybe deep down I am prejudiced; maybe I need an intervention lol...
Monday, December 19, 2011
I saw "Courageous", a spiritual movie by Alex Kendrick, last night with my husband. It was a movie about fathers making a commitment to their wives, children and communities to be even better fathers than they had been. I really admired the message that fathers do have to be filled with courage to go the extra mile and not just be in their childrens lives but to really be apart of their lives that will set the success filled journeys their children would take with God as their heavenly father. Then I began to feel the doors of envy and WHY try to open up which always lead to negative feelings about the past and my own journey; remembering forgiveness allowed me to keep those doors closed for good and to be grateful for the new path that I was on where I can appreciate seeing positive things happen in other peoples lives and not be sad, because I didn't have that same experience. Many people may have grown up without the positive experience of a loving earthly father, however no one has to go without knowing their heavenly father. I could never tell anyone what is the right path of faith to choose, but I do know that God loves us all, we just have to decide to acknowledge and accept that love. Feeling that kind of love can never be taken away from you because it lets you know that even when you're alone you're never lonely or by yourself completely. Once you know and understand this kind of love it can help you overcome hurdles and obstacles and forgive any kind of atrocity. This kind of love can help you to heal, grow, and appreciate every circumstance you have ever encountered and keep you from looking back and becoming like Lot's wife in the Bible. So while many people may experience the uneasy effects of not growing up with a father, by seeking God in all his infinite mercy all of this can be undone; you can have healthy relationships with your spouse, with your family, children and community, and most of all with yourself. Every father should see the movie Courageous for it will either let you know that you are headed in the right direction or it will give you the courage to pick up the ball and try again, or keep trying until you succeed in being the best father that you can possibly be on Earth.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
For years I thought the bible was a historical compilation of factual stories about people who actually lived. Since I'm not a historian by profession or otherwise, I cannot say with absolute certainty that they are not real or historical. When I believed in the historicity of the characters and events I was filled with fear and terrified by the portrayal of God. As a church goer I wanted so desperately to believe in God so that I might show myself approved by God. After delving into several denominations of belief I've come to understand that I could not believe in God because I didn't believe in myself. I left my last religion for many reasons but mainly because I lived the tenets of the faith but my belief in God was no closer than it ever was to being real. In 2006 I began reading new thought authors and their explanation of the bible as a psychological drama, I find intriguing and baffling almost simultaneously. Neville Goddards' books, lectures and audios have changed my mind the most about the contents of the bible. Neville says that God is our awareness, man's consciousness and that Satan is merely doubt or negative thinking. Prayer has new meaning and especially forgiveness. I feel very hopeful about my thoughts about God and life because in my renewed interest for reading the bible I think there are some new successes on the horizon.__________________
Saturday, December 10, 2011
I've been working on forgiveness for a while and while I thought I was all done I recently had a conversation where I brought up some old feelings and negative thoughts about people situations and circumstances that I thought I had forgiven and forgotten about I used to hear people say I'll forgive them but I'll never forget, but they did. Today I had to take a new thought about forgiveness to see if I can master forgiveness. I was reading a lecture by Neville Goddard and he states that forgiveness is forgetting. He also says that just because you say that you forgive a person but you recall what was said or done, whenever you think of this person then that's not true forgiveness. It also makes me think of the scripture in Mark: 11 25, “And whenever you stand to pray, forgive whatever you have against anyone, so that your Father who is in Heaven may also forgive you your faults.” I feel like forgiveness should start with me so I forgive myself and I'm going to try this again! While I have plenty to be grateful for in 2011 like family and health, I am most grateful for forgiveness.